This is from 2 years ago and popped up in Facebook memories and still makes me smile.
New phone app on trial today, well new for me anyway. Nike +. Looks snazzy and loads of friends use it so I thought let’s give it a go. Has some features that Runkeeper, my usual app, doesn’t have so I’m all excited. Signed up online and changed the settings to match me and I was ready.
August 22nd 2014, 5.00am
First run off we go, I had set the voice to female and she was a little sexier than the runkeeper lady so waiting for that first interval was tantalising. “Your pace is 4 minutes 40 seconds” she read out. WHAT? Am I suddenly an Olympic athlete? I mean I felt good but that’s just crazy. Next interval “Your pace is 4 minutes 32 seconds” WHAT? WHAT? Oh by the way these are minutes per kilometre not minutes per mile. I am on fire this morning, can I go faster? “Your pace is 4 minutes 5 seconds” Well everyone had to know about this. “I AM A RUNNING GOD!!! I screamed out in the quiet street, “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!” A few lights went on in local houses as I moved past at my new incredible speed. How fast could I run, I thought to myself. “Your pace is 3 minutes 37 seconds” SHUT UP!! I looked back expecting a trail of fire behind me, but obviously the rain had put it out instantly.
As much as I wanted to believe this was actually happening there had to be another explanation, I couldn’t have turned from plodder to elite overnight. I have been feeling ill for a few days, maybe I was dreaming. No I wouldn’t dream of running in light drizzle on a cold morning. Then it struck me. I was running on my favourite route and I knew where I normally am when the pace splits come up and I was way off, a quick glance at my Garmin confirmed that the app thought I was 0.5 kilometre further ahead than I was. Damn! I knew it was too good to be true. I was no longer a running god but recalibrated, my run was a 6:00 min/km pace overall, my fastest ever. So not all bad news.
I’ll give the app another shot, she does have a sexy voice after all and it was my fault that it all went wrong. Turns out that I had the nike+ app set to treadmill instead of outside, so it was with deep regret that I had to delete that run. But one day I’ll hear that sexy voice say “Your pace is 4 minutes 30 seconds” and once again I shall become a running god!!
I still run hoping to match that time but now I have other priorities in running.